Funny Conversation With Unlikable Boyfriend

I was in the area, I had to take a big ole’ doody shit. Thought I might as well take my little lady out to lunch. It’s our six month anniversary, and we’re so happy. So, how did you guys meet again? Did he rescue you or something?  No, we met online. Yeah, it’s crazy, I was walking around all week with a rock-hard rod, had to get rid of that boner. Little did I know I stumbled into friggin’ love.  And you come from, wealth? No, Brandon, he doesn’t come from wealth. He had to stay-at-home parents growing up. His grandparent had to raise them. They were both meter maids, it’s really sad.


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Is this the handyman we hired? No, this is Brad Katie’s boyfriend. I see Brad, do you have rags to riches story? Didn’t let your past interfere with your future? Climbed right up the social ladder, things like that? Yeah, I guess you could say that, yeah. I mean, I’m a receptionist at Soul Cycle. But one day, I’m gonna be in front of that class. I’m gonna be pumping everybody up. This must be the guy we’re casting as gross man in the sketch tomorrow.  No, this is Katie’s boyfriend. What I meant is, you must have an amazing family, right? And you love that being with him let’s you hang out with them? No, I’ve only met them once actually, and they were just alright.

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Yeah, my dad’s kind of a ball buster. Wow, I bet you must be just full of adventure, right? I mean, you’re just hoping that his fearlessness is gonna rub off on you?  God, no, He’s never even been on a plane.


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You couldn’t pay me a million dollars to get on one of those terrorist air buses.  Active shooter, everybody get down. Hey man, it’s cool, that actually happens a lot. So you’re, like, really smart or something, right? You challenge Katie intellectually and you take pleasure in your meaningful conversations.  Yeah, I got a badass big boss brain ripe with Simpsons trivia.  A badass big boss brain?  Badass big boss brain. Yes, a badass big boss brain I’m sorry if this is crossing a line, but you’re dick must be large. No need to apologize, quite small, but I do have very long balls.  And you’re very generous? Super nice? Yeah, I’m the sweetest Georgia peach you’ll ever meet. You have cool hobbies? Yeah, I like to drink.  I’m very healthy. Then what the fuck, Katie? How the hell could you be with someone like this?  Guys, relax, chill out, I’ll tell you. He has the only map to dry land tattooed on his back.


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